Holiday News

Dear Friends and Family:

As the New Year approaches we want to share with you a brief synopsis of our lives this past year. We have always been fans of the tacky yet traditional newsletter so here goes our first attempt at sharing our triumphs and achievements, the laughter and the tears of this past year.

I guess you could say that our lives really began August 11, 2006, the day that we began our life of wedded bliss. It was the perfect union of two Washingtonians, a successful and stylish Legislative Assistant and a handsomely rugged Financial Analyst.

The time has flown by. After a fun filled honeymoon of frolicking on the beautiful beaches of Mexico and... other traditional honeymoon activities (wink wink), we returned to Washington D.C. and moved into our new apartment. We can joyfully say that the honeymoon rapture is alive and thriving in this new humble and happy Nader home.

If anyone has ever looked for housing in Washington D.C., you'll sympathize with our struggle and what a blessing it was to find an apartment so close to our work. Our schizophrenic landlord is actually much friendlier than we originally assumed. Go figure.

Our jobs are going fantastically well. Working in Washington D.C. is a dream come true, in spite of the government salaries. But as we gain more experience and education we look forward to the next and hopefully increasingly lucrative career options. That is, of course, if we can keep Mike out of Iraq. God bless our troops.

We have grown to truly cherish each moment spent together. We are learning the joys of cooking meals together, going for runs through the Capitol, reading our scriptures, and building cozy fires in our little fire place. I never realized that cooking and playing domestic could be so fulfilling; and filling for Mike. My Grandmother always said there is nothing like having a fat and happy husband, I'm fine with the happy part but I think we all know how I feel about obesity. Yech.

On to children. After being married for only a few months we're holding off on reproducing. We both have a list of to-do's before the big stork day and we hope to get them done before I turn 35 and exponentially increase my risk of having a child with a severe birth defect. Not that we wouldn't love it, I'm just stating facts. But for those of you who care about our reproductive status check back in three years.

It has been a truly wonderful year and we look forward to the coming years as we build a beautiful life together. We hope to add a few other countries to our list of places visited in the near future, namely Vietnam, Thailand, and Bali, which will help our frequent flier account significantly.

At this holiday season, please know that each of you is in our thoughts and prayers. Please remember to drive safely this holiday season, don't ruin a beautiful celebration with reckless abandon.


Much love-

The Naders

My husband did this

Am I amused? Yes. Is that wrong? Perhaps. But if you're 5'10 and try to tackle someone who is 6'5 in the endzone during a TOUCH football game you probably deserve what you get.

But he seems to be taking it well. Here is a link to his side of the story. His wife is actually quite nice.
http://www.the-coffeys.com/index.html

--- Bubble T

Best Christmas Letter Ever!! Additional commentary

To fully appreciate the letter I believe that some background information on "D" may be of use. As D mentioned in the letter, job stability has not been something he has had the pleasure of experiencing frequently. While we wish him the best in his new job at DHS (the organization is another joke in and of itself but we can discuss that later), there is a reason for this.

Case in point. Star Trek officially ended its run in recent years. In the past, trekkie enthusiasts have staged protests and prolonged the agony. However, recent efforts failed and the series faced extinction. D took a stand and decided to spearhead a lobbying effort on Capitol Hill to protest, hoping that some one would use their influence for the good of sci-fi freaks everywhere.

While his labors yielded no fruit, they did yield some attention. If I remember correctly, the title of the article about his efforts in the newspaper was entitled "Boldly Going Where No Lobbyist has Gone Before." Unfortunately, the article mentioned D's employer, who had not sanctioned the efforts and was not pleased with the association.

Needless to say, D was told to keep their name out of it at the threat of termination. While I'm sure he complied, he was let go in the following months. I'm no genius, but I think the two events may be connected somehow...

And this is an unrelated note, but in April of that year my family played an impressive April Fool's joke where they invited all the LDS singles in the area to a Star Trek party at my home, claiming that I was a fanatic, even signing the faux e-mail as Party Girl- in Klingon of course. Well, the 24 hour marathon party that would have boldly gone where no party has gone before... was not real and therefor not to be. However, that did not stop D from cancelling a dinner date with his future mother in law to attend. Ahhh, fond memories.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS LETTER EVER!!!!

I happened to come by this christmas letter by way of an email from one who will remain anonymous, but I felt that it definitely needed to be posted for a wider audience to view, although I think we have a following of possibly two to our blog so that may be as wide as the audience gets.

Names have been changed out of a small courtesy to the authors, but the photo had to be included for full effect. Notice the use of a fake backdrop of the capital, unusual considering that these Washington Elitists are in walking distance of the REAL one.

WARNING: after reading this you may be nauseated.

--Penguin



Dear Family and Friends:

Well, another year has quickly come and gone, which brings us to a grand total of 1.5 blissful years as a happily married couple. We don’t pretend to know the secrets of life at this stage, but hope to be able to shed some light on the subject this time next year.

But seriously, since it's Christmas time, we thought: “Hey, why not jump on the tacky-sentimental bandwagon and write everyone a letter about our lives?!” So here we (and you) are. Get ready to be wowed, because this young couple with no kids living in America’s most dynamic and powerful city has a LOT of free time on their hands! We hope to impress you with our travels, experiences and self-indulgences the way only an aspiring politician and beautiful young Washington executive can! So sit back, pull up chairs for the rest of the family and put on your best reading glasses… its go time!

OK, with an introduction like that, it’s only fitting we start with my lovely wife, M. Aside from her busy church calling in the Primary (children’s organization) Presidency, M is still gainfully employed at one of America’s “big four” accounting firms, PricewaterhouseCoopers. She is living the life of a young, married professional as an Executive Assistant in the employ of one of the firm’s top producing partners, and currently works at their client location of Sallie Mae. M has been with the firm for close to 3 years, and visits more high-priced lunch venues with her team than I do as a lobbyist!

Don’t let the high-priced steak lunches at Morton’s fool you, however. M still wants to become a mom more than anything else, and would gladly give up the high-life for a chance to stay at home changing dirty diapers and picking up after her messy husband! But alas, the stork failed to bring us a delivery in 2006, despite our best efforts and practice in the art of conception. Wondering if the plumbing was operational (as many of you are no doubt asking yourselves), M and I both visited 2 of Washington’s best fertility experts who couldn’t give us a reason for our lack of children, and encouraged us to keep trying the natural way. Oh, I know. Some assignments are so difficult!

As for yours truly, I have been working for more than a year as a lobbyist for the American Public Works Association – which is a small miracle coming from someone who has a resume longer than Bobby Brown’s rap sheet. But don’t let the impression of job stability fool you, I have recently been offered the opportunity to work at the Department of Homeland Security as an Assistant Director in the Office of the Secretary (I know, we’re big on long, meaningless titles here in DC), which I have accepted. After I finally inform my current employer, I expect to start sometime in early January. But if you want to know anything else, if I told you, I’m afraid I’d have to kill you! Oh, I also have the distinction of serving in the church Primary as a teacher, where M can boss me around legitimately and get away with it (as if she can’t do that already)!

Together in 2006, M and I have racked up close to 100,000 frequent flier miles! The first half of the year had me traveling to such exotic locales as Winnipeg, Canada and Topeka, Kansas, while M sat patiently awaiting my return. But traveling wasn’t all business. We visited Utah twice, once for M’s sister N’s wedding and once for my sister B’s wedding. We also were fortunate enough (thanks to frequent flier miles) to spend a week in Playa del Carmen, Mexico, where we frolicked in the crystal blue waters and white sand of the Caribbean while sipping on virgin margaritas and piña coladas! Most recently, we visited San Diego, where we again visited Mexico and Disneyland. But the main purpose of that trip was to spend time with my family for Thanksgiving. It was a bit overwhelming with so many aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews – but M handled it like a veteran.

For Christmas and New Years, M and I will be spending the holidays here in Washington, DC, which will be a first for both of us (me in my 10 years of living here and M in her 4th year). We’re looking forward to the White House Christmas tree, ice-skating on the National Mall and the multitudes of bad drivers clogging the freeways with holiday cheer.

As for 2007, we have no agenda, but, should the stork continue to pass us by, have secret plans to visit Europe (again, on frequent flier miles) to stalk the homes of our ancestors. The plan is to find strange and odd-sounding names to bestow upon our unfortunate, future children. And, finally, we wouldn’t be proper East Coast elitists if we didn’t extend an invitation to each of you to visit us out here during the next year. We love to entertain, so please, take us up on the offer and come see all that Washington has to offer: Beautiful scenery, monuments, history, bad foreign drivers, congestion, high prices, road rage, terrorism, bad weather… Merry Christmas!!!

Being cute and silly aside (yes, I just called my own writing cute), we wanted to share with you our strong testimonies of the Savior, Jesus Christ. Let each of us remember the reason for this most extraordinary of holidays. Share the spirit of the Savior with your loved ones, and His message of peace, joy and love with all of those who have special meaning in your lives.

Love,
The J's

To Illustrate Penguin's Earlier Post

THIN

Last night after I finished watching The Wire on HBO there was a special that came on about women with eating disorders, aptly titled THIN. As I was watching these women struggle with having to eat a cupcake on their birthday's, I started thinking about our culture and why being lethally thin is something we place such a high value on.

Maybe it is because food is easily accessible here, it is not like we have to raise our own animals and then hopefully have enough water or grass for them to grow big enough so that they can feed a whole village, or that we have to scrounge around for edible grubs when we can't make it out to the local grocery store.

I know that there are a myriad of factors invovled in the craze of being thin, but I still have a hard time reconciling the fact that Americans are either obese or choosing to starve themselves when there are thousands of people who are on the verge of starvation because they literally do not have anything to eat.

Personally, I would rather eat more than 2 peanuts a day and be able to run as far as I want to or bike as long as I wanted to without my heart stopping.

I say eat the damn cupcake.

AARP

Is it wrong to hate the AARP? Not only are their commericals ridiculous but it seems that they feel that their members should have to pay virtually nothing for health care. As a working and contributing member of society I am dismayed on a monthly basis to see how much of my money is going to pay for Social Security, Medicare, and a slew of other bureaucratic messes.

I spoke to some of their representatives this morning and was informed that they did not feel that doctors providing services to Medicare patients should receive any increase in payments despite the fact that these doctors have not received any increase in payments for the last five years. Which means that they've actually had to absorb the cost of medical inflation (3.7%). It all seems a little ridiculous to me.

I'm all for increasing care provided to seniors and enabling access, but you can't have your cake and eat it too. Somethings got to give and I don't want it to be anymore of my paycheck.

Obsessed by Christmas Pickles

Recently, I have become obsessed with the Christmas pickle ornament. I find myself going through the list of people I plan on giving gifts to wondering who would appreciate the beauty and wonder of pickle ornaments. I contemplate this in the shower, on the way to work, and sometimes in the middle of conversations with others. As of now, 27 days until the day, there is no lucky winner to this internal debate. So, those of you out there who would like a Christmas pickle set feel free to let me know. ---Penguin

Stealthy Insect Sensor Project

http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/11/28/bombsniffing.bees.reut/index.html
Since when are bees trainable? I find the whole concept disturbing and sincerely hope that my tax dollars are not being used to build these bee boxes. It's great that these aero-dynamically incorrect little buggers can sniff out bombs. But how do they let you know that they've detected something sketchy? By sticking out their incredibly obvious proboscis -- the tube they use to feed on nectar for the morons among us. Not us- you. If you don't know what a proboscis is then stop reading our blog because you're an idiot.

Enough about this. I just want to know what PETA thinks. I never make a move without their input, bad karma.

Celebrity Update

I don't know where to begin, it's been a busy day on people.com and I can't handle the drama alone. Pamela Anderson and the ever classy Kid Rock have decided to divorce, allegedly over the Baywatch queen's role in the recent Borat movie. But no one really cares about old people with hepatitis so we'll move on. Jessica Biel and Derek Jeter have been spotted canoodling at hot spots around the nation, a couple? No confirmation. A more compelling question- if they arm wrestled, who would win? My money is on Jessica, Seventh Heaven or not she scares the crap out of me. I wonder if she'll move to the WWE when the public finally realizes that she can't act. Hilary Duff and Joel Madden may have ended their torrid and illegal during the early stages love affair.

But most importantly, Britney Spears is back on the scene with none other than Paris Hilton. I just don't know what to say. I've never had high hopes for the cheetoh loving pop queen but I thought she'd sunk as low as she could with K. Fed. She's exceeded even my lowest expectations. At least we have her greatest hits album to remember the glory days.

This is penguin, a picture of wedded and domestic bliss. Martha Stewart has nothing on her.